Sorry, what were you saying?
Over the years I’ve mastered the ability to pretend that I’m listening. Before you get annoyed at me, however, hear me out, because it didn’t start as a way to be rude or dismissive; it started as a way to stop getting in trouble.
I was born with a very serious ADHD diagnosis. At a very young age, either before or during preschool, my parents would often anguish about whether I would be able to lead a normal life. They feared that my learning disability would prevent me from ever achieving success. They were partially right, however my life’s derailment would ultimately be the product of a multiple difficulties (it’s important to note, these difficulties were all mental-health related). From grades Pre-K to 2nd grade, I was doing fine in school, the major issue was my behavior which at worst would be defined as “hyper” or “quirky”. So early on, my biggest issue was authority figures and grown ups becoming angry with me -whether it was for interrupting, screaming out something I thought was funny or just plain daydreaming when I was supposed to be listening - I faced a lot of backlash because I lacked social graces. So what did I do to resolve this issue? I would pretend to listen by sitting perfectly still and occasionally nodding. I mastered the art of controlling my behavior and appearance while on the inside, I was 8 trillion miles away. Initially this solved a lot of problems, but in the end it caused more harm then good as I was missing out on full conversations, important details and sometimes funny punchlines (I had a workaround for this too, laugh when everyone starts laughing).
What causes ADHD?
ADHD sufferers are most likely united by one underlying issue that drives its symptoms, a dysfunctional prefrontal cortex. The prefrontal cortex is the front-most region of the brain and its primary duties are significant as it is responsible for regulating impulse control, association and cognitive processes. Additionally, it governs focus and attention, driving the brain’s ability to shift attention from one subject to another. Finally (and for me the scariest part of what the PFC does) is that it regulates impulsivity, a trait in ADHD central to provoking severely self-injurious behavior through poor decision making, financial issues and the worst outcome of all… addiction. This aspect of ADHD is wildly significant, with 21% - 23% of addicts also having an ADHD diagnosis. Links between the two conditions have been well-established and documented while sadly, many people in the rooms of AA and NA assign their condition to some strange, ambiguous loss in the spiritual lottery when most likely, a decisive driving factor of their condition is an abnormally functioning prefrontal cortex.
There are other causes as well. ADHD can be a hereditary condition, and can also be contracted by fetal exposure to toxins such as nicotine or alcohol and like many mental health issues, trauma, stress, depression or substance abuse can cause ADHD like symptoms or further agitate already existing ones.
A Larger Than Life Problem
It can certainly feel this way if you deal with ADHD. I don’t know how common this is, but a feeling of helplessness can sometimes be undeniable, especially after 17 failed attempts to finish a task, or taking all day to write a blog (ahem). The statistics are just as unforgiving,
“ADHD is the most common diagnosis seen in outpatient child and adolescent mental health settings. According to the CDC 15% of boys and 8% of girls between 3-17 had a lifetime diagnosis of ADHD (as of 2022).” -Harvard Health
Changing The Mental Health Landscape
A lot has changed since I was in Pre-K. Over thirty-five years ago, ADHD awareness was barely present in the conversation of education, much less the wider mental health world, so the coping skills and tactics that I developed early in life have aged out. Today it’s perfectly acceptable to ask, “I’m sorry, can you repeat that last part one more time.” versus before when admitting to such a weakness too many times would brand you an idiot. Thirty five years ago, there was no such term as “neurodivergent”, there was no obligation for compassion with cognitive difficulty (barring serious cases like down syndrome or the intellectually disabled). It was a bit more rough and tumble with research just starting to progress. And now there are resources, decades of research, a kinder cultural approach to mental health and a category for people to orient themselves on the mental health map, called “Neurodivergency”.
Taking Steps Toward Healing
If you think medication is the answer to ADHD, I would encourage you to do a bit more investigation before putting anything in your body and putting yourself at risk for worsening the state of your mental health. Prolonged usage of Adderall and Vyvanse, especially at high doses are commonly associated with the increased risk of psychotic episodes and let me tell you, it’ll be really hard to focus if you don’t have a basic grip on reality. To be honest, my thoughts on ADHD medications deserve their own blog post so I won’t go into it here, rather, I will just directly recommend a holistic approach to managing ADHD symptoms.
Things like:
Removing distractions and creating a serene and intentional atmosphere.
Maintaining a healthy diet.
Exercising and/or staying active.
Limiting entertainment (avoiding “binge-watching”, doom-scrolling and tapering or eliminating social media”)
Implementing structure and routine.
Prayer and Meditation.
And would you know… the list goes on and on. As previously stated, ADHD is a mental health diagnosis that can originate from multiple conditions, so treatment might not be so cut and dry. There might be some experimentation, some trial and error and some things about the condition you may just have to accept and learn to love about yourself. ADHD isn’t a cosmic punishment, and it doesn’t mean your doomed, or that you can never succeed. ADHD, like so many other conditions has its own set of challenges - but you sometimes can give you a perspective that no one else in the room has. ADHD is much more present in creative thinkers, and creative thinkers don’t just help the world, sometimes they shape it. If we can learn to stop punishing ourselves for things that aren’t our fault, we can turn our perceived “weaknesses” into a super power. So take it easy on yourself and if you catch someone being distracted, have some compassion! They might be planning on changing the world, even though there supposed to be doing the dishes.
